A diagnosis of cancer raises many emotions. I recall the fear and terror when I was told of the diagnosis. I recall the horror of being told I would effectively be chemically castrated during the hormone treatment. I recall the embarrassment of being prepared for brachytherapy — as a man, I was not used to this sort of invasion of my body and perceived dignity.
By October 2004, some 16 months after diagnosis and 10 months after my radiation treatment had finished, it became clear that my business — a small affair comprising myself and three employees — was in trouble. As I became aware of my situation, the “demons” started to appear and by February/March 2005, they were appearing every night. Sleep was fitful and difficult. For the first time in my life, I did not want to go to work. I was worried about my staff and their ongoing security. I worried about my wife. I was unable to focus on anything relating to work, and fearful of the phone ringing.
With some encouragement from a close friend, I sought help from my general practitioner. I am now taking antidepressants and, if nothing else, I am coping with my problems. I am now able to evaluate situations and not panic, and I am no longer existing on a daily dose of fear. My company has been wound up and, although I have been left with debt above and beyond anything someone my age would choose to have, I consider myself fortunate. Through close contacts within my industry, I am now very happy in a sales development role with another company, and this has given me a new lease on life. Eventually, I began seeing a psychologist, which has also been very helpful.
On a personal level, friends and family have stuck by my wife and me, and most certainly I have gained a great deal of patience and understanding. Having faced my mortality, I now see the world and people in a completely different light, and things I once took for granted have taken on a new importance.
My most recent blood tests show my PSA level at 0.4 and my testosterone level back around 27. I am still struggling with impotence, but I believe improvement is possible. I am continuing to take antidepressants and the doctor believes I should keep taking them until the fallout from the collapse of my business has been cleared up. The personal financial burdens still weigh heavily on me and some level of concern remains. Consultations with a psychologist have helped me enormously, and I think there is only a little way to go to resolve my personal issues.
I will continue to be active in cancer support groups, as I believe there are many men struggling alone with their problems, and much still needs to be done to raise the public’s awareness of prostate cancer, just as women have battled to raise the profile of breast cancer. The plight of men with prostate cancer should receive the same level of understanding. We need to help those involved in treating prostate cancer to accept that dealing with the inevitable psychological problems is as important as fixing the physical problem.
